Break The Cycle
by amsrule
Summary: Audrey ends up going into the barn-and Nathan isn't able to stop her. But what if there's something else that gets in the way?
1. Chapter 1

With her arms tight around his shoulders, and his around her waist, Audrey felt at home. She couldn't believe how easily she had fit into her life in Haven over the past year, and consequently into Nathan's. He was her partner, her best friend, and so much more. The thought of leaving Haven, leaving him, was nearly unbearable. An ache settled into her midsection and she placed a hand lightly to her side. She felt like had to physically hold herself together. After what she was about to do, Nathan wouldn't be around anymore to pick up the pieces like he was so good at.

Well, actually, her pieces wouldn't be around anymore to pick up.

Nathan's eyebrow furrowed, reading the pain on her face. "Are you okay?" He pulled back slightly and grabbed her hand. His fingertips brushed her stomach and Audrey's mind flashed to an image of herself with skin glowing, her stomach large and round, and Nathan cooing to their future child.

Audrey found herself unable to speak and her eyes fluttered shut. She couldn't tell him of the life they had created. She was sure that if she went into the barn, he (or she, although Audrey was sure it was James coming back to her) would not survive. It had happened too late, too close to the Hunter. She couldn't stand for Nathan to grieve twice as much. He was having a hard enough time letting her go as is.

"Parker?"

Audrey cupped her lover's chin in her free hand and, ignoring the concerned faces of their friends around them, pulled his mouth to hers. This was nothing like their first timid kiss. This kiss was like fireworks—beautiful, sparkling, and burning all at once. It took everything left in her to pull away.

"Goodbye, Nathan." She whispered, sliding from his grasp.

Fear flashed across his face. "Audrey!"

She hurried to the barn door, yanked it open, and forced herself inside before she could change her mind. She could hear the worried shouts of her friends behind her but once the door slammed shut, it all disappeared.

"Well Ms. Parker," a deep voice spoke, "Are you ready to go?"

Audrey looked up at the tall, dark figure. The man she once knew at Agent Howard, although she no longer knew what to call him. He was her guide throughout her various lives; her warden in this barn. With one last glance around the empty white space, she walked up to him. "Yes, I am."

"Are you ready to sacrifice yourself for Haven, for your friends?"

Audrey felt as if she had heard this before. And perhaps she had—Agent Howard, or whoever he was, had asked her this every time. The magic of the barn only worked if she went willingly. As her mind opened to the barn, she began to remember. Figures appeared all around her. Her past selves, her previous lives, were becoming one with her and the barn.

"Yes." She stated firmly. The word echoed throughout the room as the memories of all of the women before her chimed in as well.

"For the Troubles, for Haven, I sacrifice my time as Audrey Parker, I sacrifice my love, and I sacrifice my unborn child."

For a moment, Agent Howard's eyes went wide and his form shimmered. "Child?"

Whatever he meant to say next fell away as he disappeared from existence, no longer needed. The forms around Audrey remained for another few seconds, and then blinked away one by one, until one was left standing.

The woman had brown wavy hair and was wearing a black corset and a maroon cloak. Somehow, Audrey knew that her name was Mara and that she had been the first of them all. Mara pursed her lips angrily as she glared at Audrey.

"What have you done?" She sneered before disappearing.

Audrey wrapped her arms around herself and looked around. Large cracks ran up the walls of the once pristine room. A bright light began shining through them. The ancient Mi'kmaq magic exploded, pulsing outwards. Audrey's mind went blank.

The force spread like an earthquake, rocking the whole town. Those nearest the barn were thrown to the ground. Moments later Nathan sat up and looked around the clearing, seeing nothing but the grass that he could feel prickling beneath him.

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Will this be a one-shot? Will it be a multi-chapter story? Only time (and your reviews) will tell!


	2. Nathan 1

Nathan was one of those people that could be a morning person if the right conditions were met. Over the past couple years, those stipulations, originally just a decent night's sleep, a shower, and a mug of coffee, had expanded to contain seeing Audrey. She seemed to always light up his day.

When Nathan got up that morning, he didn't feel different from any other day. He shuffled out of his dark blue comforter with a yawn. His overly sensitive eyes weren't ready for the light, as per usual, so he didn't bother reaching out for the light switch panel.

Nathan had functioned with his idiopathic neuropathy for so long that he was as adapted as a blind man in his own house would be. He could turn on lights, work the shower, lock the doors, and other mundane tasks that he couldn't feel through his specially honed muscle memory.

So he started his bathroom routine. He turned on the shower, the knob sliding in an exact 100 degree angle. He'd had a friend mark it for him a couple years ago, so that he could prevent accidentally getting hypothermia or burning himself.

Nathan didn't realize anything was different that morning until he got in the shower. He pushed the curtain aside and slowly moved into the ceramic space. He reached his arm in first, felt the warmth attack his skin, and leaped back with a yelp. He fell back against the wall, felt the bite of the coolness of the tile, and launched forward. Finally, he managed to stabilize himself in the center of the room.

He froze, trying to assess the situation. He lifted up his wet hand, stared at it, and then placed it against his chest. His heart was beating rapidly beneath his fingers.

All of a sudden, the events from the day before suddenly came back to him. Audrey had gone into the barn. He had tried so hard to hold on to her and keep her there with him. He loved her.

Still did, of course.

But now she wasn't here.

She'd said goodbye and ran away, ran into the barn. The door had slammed shut behind her.

Nathan remembered banging on it furiously, trying to get her attention, trying to get it open. Perhaps if he went with her, everything would be okay. They would just live in the barn together forever. James got to go into the barn, why couldn't he? They could all be a family.

But the barn hadn't opened up for him.

His recollection after that was a bit vague. Duke had been there, screaming at him. He had probably been telling him to calm down, to let her go. He'd tried to pull Nathan away.

And that's when the explosion had happened. Or whatever that burst of energy had been. Some force had radiated out from the barn and suddenly everything flashed white and went silent. Nathan had been thrown backward, landing several feet away from the barn. When he had opened his eyes again, he'd noticed two things.

One, the meteors and the barn and Audrey were gone.

Two, he could feel the grass. It was an odd sensation—both prickly and smooth against his fingers.

What had happened next?

Nathan shook his head in an attempt to clear the fog. Had he passed out? Or was he just blocking the memories? How did he even get home?

He stumbled out of the bathroom and ran towards the living room. His blue jacket was lying on the ground next to his front door, next to his loafers… and a pair of brown doc martens.

"Well, good morning sunshine." The voice came from the center of his living room. All of a sudden, a head covered in ragged brown hair popped up over the edge of the couch. "Oh, getting a little frisky this morning, I see."

Nathan jumped and quickly crossed his hands over his body. Unsure of what else to do, he backed up down the hallway and fled into the bathroom.

He leaned his back against the door with a sigh. His cheeks were flaring red, embarrassed by the display of nakedness that had just occurred. He wasn't used to anybody else being in his house, except for Audrey occasionally.

The thought of her in his house brought a new wave of memories. Her whisking pancake batter at his kitchen counter, sticking her tongue out at him after he'd flicked flour at her face. Her sprawled out on his leather couch beside him as they channel surfed after a long day at work. Her blonde hair spread out against his sheets as he leaned over her.

A flood of warmth traveled to his groin. Nathan looked down at himself and groaned. It was an odd feeling for that particular appendage to have a life of its own.

The voice came again, echoing down the hallway. "Look, dude, I'm sorry if I scared you. Finish getting ready and then we can go get breakfast or something, okay?"

His problem dissipated at the distraction. He rushed forward and threw his clothes back on. He exited the bathroom and found Duke sitting patiently on the arm of the couch.

"Oh, hey man." He stood as soon as the other man walked into the room and gave him a sheepish smile.

Nathan froze and held up his hands. "Why can I feel?"

Duke blew air out between his lips and then gathered himself up to answer. "You can feel? You can feel. Good. Umm, yeah. The Troubles are gone."

"Because Audrey is gone." He said blankly.

The taller man nodded. "Yeah, she's gone." Although he seemed calm on the outside, the pain behind his eyes was obvious. He had loved her too, Nathan knew.

"How can you say that?"

"Because it's true."

Nathan fell to the ground, surprised by the pain radiating through his legs that accompanied the sound of his knees cracking against the hardwood. He groaned, leaning forward to wrap his arms around them.

"Nathan," Duke drawled. He moved over to kneel beside the other man.

"She'll be back. We can bring her back." He insisted.

Duke reached out to place his hand on his friends shoulder, and then stopped and pulled away. He didn't want to overwhelm his sense of feeling right now, especially with everything else that was going on. "I don't think we can do that."

Nathan's head flew up and he glared at the other man. His eyes were ringed with red. "No. We can. We have to."

"Nathan." Duke stated strongly, trying to get Nathan's attention. His voice sounded a bit deeper, like he was trying to keep himself from crying too. "She's gone."

He could see the moment that the truth sank in. Nathan's mouth dropped open, as if he no longer had the energy to keep himself together. Tears began streaming down his face and he collapsed onto Duke.

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Sad Nathan gives me so many emotions and arghhhh. Why must I make him suffer? I don't even know. Will things get better? It is Haven... so probably not. Review and let me know what you think, and then keep an eye out for another update!


	3. Nathan 2

To say that Nathan was never the same after that afternoon in the clearing was an understatement. He lost Audrey that day, but in some cruel twist of fate he had gained something back. His ability to feel. In the wake of the loss of the love of his life, the loss of his Trouble felt like more of a curse than the actual Trouble had been. He had gotten used to only being able to feel Audrey. Now he was susceptible to physical pain to go along with the pain in his heart. Plus, whenever he accidentally brushed up against someone, the tingling on his skin would remind him of intimate moments he had spent with Audrey.

Basically, Nathan was miserable. And Duke was tired of it.

"Seriously, Nathan, you've got to get up off your ass and actually do something."

The other man grumbled. "No, I really don't."

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"What do you think is wrong? Audrey is gone!" Nathan yelled, standing up from the brown leather armchair. He stumbled slightly and fell back down into his seat.

Duke groaned and grabbed the Jack Daniels bottle from the floor. "Yes, Nathan, she's gone. She's been gone for a couple months now. And yes, it's terrible, but it's time to move on." Nathan rolled his eyes and reached for the glass bottle. Duke yanked it out of reach, the small bit of whiskey remaining swished around loudly. "I'm serious. Stop this pity party and get off your ass. This town needs you."

"No, it doesn't. Dwight's chief, he can handle the station. The Troubles aren't a problem anymore. Everything is fine. Except Audrey is still gone."

"She went into that barn for us. For you. To keep you safe. And the Troubles are gone. Your Trouble is gone. Isn't that a good thing?" Duke stared at the other man for a few minutes, his eyes raking over the full beard on Nathan's face and the grubby gray t shirt he was wearing. Then Duke reached up to run a hand over his own chin. "Alright. Fine. Whatever. Bye Nathan."

Nathan smirked and reached out for the bottle again. Duke backed away quickly, keeping a firm grip on the bottle, and walked out the front door.

For a few more minutes, he sat there. But with his alcohol gone and no desire to go to the store for more, there was nothing left for him to do except watch the clock on the wall tick tick tick its way toward 2 o'clock.

The stream of sunlight peeking through the window glinted off the metal lamp in the corner. Nathan harrumphed and forced himself up and out of the chair. The heaviness that had settled into his limbs from the drinking had become a familiar pressure, but now made it more difficult to move. Slowly, he leaned against the furniture in his small living room as he walked toward the back of the house. Down the hallway on the way to his bedroom was the small beige bathroom.

He crept inside, wondering if a shower might help to clear his head. He stripped off his dirty clothes and reached in to turn on the shower-head. The line was still there on the water handle, he noticed, the one that marked the perfect temperature of water from back when he couldn't feel it. He didn't really need the marker anymore, but he still found himself instinctively using it.

Nathan spent longer in the shower than he had originally intended to. He stood under the water for a while, feeling the warm droplets caress his skin. Then he'd lathered up with a handful of soap and scrubbed his skin until it was raw. It began to burn, but he welcomed the pain. It was a distraction from his errant thoughts. It also helped to ground him in his own skin.

He had felt empty since Audrey had gone into the barn. He'd felt adrift in a sea of heartache and loneliness. He'd _felt _everything.

He knew, deep down, that he had to accept her absence. She wouldn't want him carrying on like this. Isn't that what everyone said, after they lost a loved one? He knew that with her, though, it was true. When she had first found out that she had to go away in the barn, she had tried to pull away from him. She had tried to save him all of this misery.

Didn't that count for something?

Nathan continued standing under the water, lightly running his hands over his body and remembering the times when Audrey had done the same. She hadn't shied away from his Trouble, she had accepted it and battled with it constantly. She worshiped his skin with kisses and strokes and brought him to life beneath her fingertips.

And he had to make the most of that life, especially now. She had officially given up everything she had to end the Troubles and allow him to feel again. He couldn't squander that.

Angry at himself for not realizing this sooner, Nathan grunted and punched the wall. The tile cracked beneath his knuckles, but it seemed to do more damage to him than he did to it. When he pulled his fist away his knuckles were bleeding and he relished in the pain.

He let the shower wash away the blood until the water ran cold. The chill became too much to bear, and he finally reached out with his uninjured hand to shut it off.

Rejuvenated by the minty clean smell of his skin and the adrenaline rushing through his veins, the rest of his movements came quicker. He exited the bathroom and moved into his bedroom. He threw on casual clothes: a pair of jeans and a t shirt.

A quick glance around his house told him that he needed to do a lot of basic chores, such as laundry and getting groceries.

First, though, there was something he had to do.

He didn't really trust himself to drive just yet, or to leave his house at all. So instead he perched himself in one of his dining room chairs and dialed a familiar number into his phone.

"Haven PD, Chief Hendrickson," A deep voice answered. "How can I help you?"

Nathan held back the pride that flared within him, the yelling in his mind of 'No, I'm the Chief!', and answered simply. "Hey Dwight. It's Nathan."

The other man must have been completely shocked, but he hid it well. "Oh, hey Nathan, how's it going?"

"It's uhh…" He chuckled dryly, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. "It's going, at least."

Dwight grumbled, seeming unconvinced. "How're you holding up?"

"Better, really."

"Alright." His voice quickly became all business. "Well what can I do for ya?"

Nathan clenched his fist, hoping beyond all hope that he was not about to get dismissed. "Actually, I was wondering, umm, if I could come back to the force. You know how I feel about Haven, and I'd like to help in any way that I can."

The phone was silent for a few seconds. "Can you handle being back? Without Audrey?"

Her name slammed into his mind, reaffirming his desires. "She's why I need to do this."

"Alright." He said, acquiescing sooner than Nathan had expected. "Well I know how hard you've worked to protect Haven in the past, and I've always thought that you were an essential part of this team. There's definitely a spot open for you, if you want it. Come in Monday morning, and we'll get you reinstated."

Nathan froze. "Wait, really?"

"Really." Dwight stated. "It's good to have you back, Nathan."

"It's good to be back. Thank you." With nothing else to be said, he hung up and dropped the phone onto the table. He leaned back in the chair, closed his eyes, and pictured Audrey's smile.

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Oh Nathan... :( Keep reading and reviewing and letting me know what you think! Thanks so much!


	4. Audrey 1

So we're starting near the end of Magic Hour pt 2 here. Just go with it.

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Alive. He's alive, he's alive, he's alive. It was all Audrey could think as she stared down at her partner. Her eyes met his and instantly her entire body relaxed.

"Hey Parker," he forced out, his voice gruff. "Where's the funeral?"

She laughed and ran her hand along the side of his face, feeling the warmth return to his skin. He was alive and so was she and now she could be with him and love him and…

She froze.

No.

Jordan. He was with Jordan.

She pushed up and moved away from Nathan, letting Jordan take up the place beside him. He wrapped his arms around her. Audrey stood in the doorway and wrapped her arms around herself, holding the bitterness inside her.

'I saved your life!' She wanted to scream. After all the times that he had saved her, now it had been her turn. And for what? For him to be happy with Jordan? That's not how romance novels turned out. Then again this was real life, not some crappy teen story. Still, didn't their relationship mean anything? He'd saved her from the very beginning. He'd pulled her from her car before it went over the cliff. Then he'd found her after she'd been trapped by the chameleon. He'd embraced her that night, held her close with tears in his eyes. Actual tears, like the ones she could feel rolling down her face. That was probably some of the rawest emotion she had ever seen from Nathan Wuornos. They had been vulnerable together. Continually, he had saved her from demons: both Haven's and her own.

Audrey tore her gaze away from the pair, unable to watch the two reunite any longer. She looked up at Duke. Surely he'd heard her confessions of love just moments ago, but he wasn't giving her any trouble about them. Instead, he gave her a loaded look, showing her that he understood.

Noelle burst up from her bundle of blankets and rushed toward her sister. The two talked lowly, until Moira fell silent. This seemed to spur Nathan into motion.

He sat up and turned to look at his partner. "Parker, where's Tommy?"

She frowned. "He got away while we were tracking down Moira."

"We have to find him." Nathan tried to stand, but Jordan held him down.

"Stop, you need to rest!"

He pushed her away as he got up and moved over to his partner. "He's the—"

"Bolt Gun Killer." Duke interrupted, finishing the sentence that fell heavily into the space around them. "We know."

"We need to go after him." His eyes bore into Audrey's and after a second, she nodded.

"Alright," she sighed, surreptitiously wiping the last few stray tears from her eyes. "Let's go." She reached out to place her hand on his shoulder, but caught Jordan's worried gaze behind him and she stopped.

Nathan followed her gaze and turned around. "Jordan, I'm sorry, I've got to go."

"But…" She huffed. "Don't you think you should take a break? You were just dead, for Christ's sake."

"And now I'm not. It's important that I handle this." He walked over and framed her face with his hands. "I'll be alright. Why don't you head home?"

"Will I see you later?"

Audrey held back a groan. She was really getting tired of Jordan.

Nathan whispered something to her and then pulled away. "Parker, come on." He called as he walked past her in search for the door. Jordan gaped after him.

Audrey looked at Duke and shrugged. "Can you get these two to a safe location please? To the Gull or something?"

"Yeah, I've got this." He replied. "You go take care of him." At first, it sounded like he was wishing her luck in finding Tommy. But the soft look in his eyes told her that he was actually referring to Nathan.

Audrey grinned slightly at his support and then walked out of the house. She found Nathan standing beside Tommy's car, GPS in hand. She reached out and slammed the trunk closed, forcing herself to ignore Nathan's bloodstains left behind on the grey interior.

"I made the connection with Tommy's GPS history. A lot of addresses in here. Gunna take all night to cover them all." Her partner stated.

She squared her shoulders, ready to face Nathan's killer. "Well we better get going." She pushed past Nathan and slid into the driver's seat of the black car. Nathan swiftly followed suit, walking around the car and sliding into the passenger seat.

"Alright, let's start with the most recent and work our way back." He stated, selecting the address on the GPS.

The blonde nodded and pulled the car out onto the street. There were a few minutes of silence until Nathan spoke up.

"So about today…"

Audrey shook her head. Her mind was full of the image of him lying on the ground, riddled with gunshot wounds. She almost hadn't been able to save him. "I'm just glad you're okay."

Nathan ran his hands over his chest, looking down at his bloodstained shirt. "Not the first time I've been shot."

"Not the first time I've watched you die, either." She mused, remembering the day that she had relived several times over. She snuck a glance over at her partner and frowned.

It was twice now that she'd watched him die and then seen him alive again. Somehow, it was as if she felt the pain of his wounds even though he couldn't feel them himself. Maybe Jordan was right—she shuddered at the admission. Maybe Nathan wasn't quite ready to launch into battle with Tommy yet. What if the Bolt Gun Killer got away though? Would he leave town or would he hide somewhere?

The GPS barked out a direction but when Audrey stopped at the intersection, she made an executive decision to turn the opposite direction.

Nathan's eyebrows furrowed. "What are you doing?"

"We're making a stop first."

"What? Where?" He questioned frantically. "Parker, we need to catch Tommy."

"We will. But I can't take you anywhere looking like that."

He opened his mouth to complain but when they turned on to a familiar street, he realized where they were going and fell silent.

A few minutes later, Audrey pulled into a gravel driveway and stopped the car. He fished his keys from his jean pocket and unlocked the front door. Audrey followed him inside, flicking on the lights and tossing her tan jacket onto the back of the long leather couch.

"Why are we at my house?"

She pointed to his chest. "You need to change. Where's your bedroom and your linen closet?"

Nathan read the seriousness in her face and followed her directions. He led her down a small hallway, pointing first to the closet and then walking into his bedroom. The room was simple—a collection of browns and blues, very clean and organized.

"Okay, will you just… sit for a minute? Please?" Audrey gave him a pleading look and stepped back out into the hallway. Once out of his line of sight, she collapsed against the wall and felt a sob rip through her chest.

He's alive, she reminded herself. Everything was going to be alright.

She collected herself and then snapped into action. She found a small dark washcloth in the closet and ran it under hot water in the bathroom across the hall.

He was her partner. She would take care of him because it was all she could do.

Audrey marched back into the bedroom to find Nathan sitting calmly on the edge of his bed. He had taken off his jacket, revealing his stained shirt.

"What's this all about, Parker?" He stood and reached out to her.

She breathed deeply and then replied. "You're covered in blood, Nathan, let's just get you cleaned up and then we can go after Tommy, okay? I just need to know that you're in one piece. And stay that way. I can't lose my partner. Not again."

Audrey stepped forward and stood in front of Nathan. She was a few inches shorter than him and had to tilt her head back slightly to watch the expression on his face drift from confusion to compassion. She set the wash cloth down on the bedside table. Then she reached out and started unbuttoning his shirt. She was sure not to let her skin touch his, so as to not hurt him more. When she pushed the shirt from his shoulders, however, she couldn't keep her thumb from brushing his collarbone.

He gasped and a shiver ran through his body.

She tried to convince herself to cut off contact again, but found herself unable to do so. Touching him, feeling the life beneath her fingertips, grounded her. She secured one hand around his bicep as she examined his chest. There were two wounds on his upper chest. The holes had closed up, thanks to Moira, but she could see the puckered scars. Caked in streaks down his chest was a layer of dried blood.

"Oh, Nathan." She murmured.

He looked down and shrugged. "It didn't hurt, at least."

Audrey let out a painful chuckle. "Yeah, that's good, I guess." She used her grip on his shoulder to turn him around. "Are there exit wounds?"

* * *

A bit confused? Yeah. Don't worry. All will make sense soon enough...


	5. Audrey 2

"How am I supposed to know?" Nathan quipped.

Slowly, Audrey ran her fingers along his back. She found a few smaller pock marks along his shoulder blade and a long gash along his side, but no bullet wounds.

As her fingers traced the dip of his lower back, he moaned lightly. The sound zinged straight through Audrey's nervous system and she felt her cheeks blush. Quickly, she pulled her hand away and moved around to his front.

"Nothing there, so…" she couched, clearing her throat. "Are the bullets still in there?"

Nathan averted his gaze. "Again, I don't know. They might have just disappeared. This is Haven, after all."

"Right. Well let's hope they did." Audrey reached over and grabbed the wash cloth. She placed it against the top of his chest. "Is this okay?" She asked, suddenly rethinking the whole situation. Was it weird for her to be cleaning off her partner's blood after he had died and come back to life?

Nathan's eyes fluttered and then landed on hers. He shook his head. "It's fine," he choked out.

The blonde squared her shoulders and turned back to her task. Meticulously she wiped at his skin, clearing off the patches of dried blood.

A heavy silence feel between them until Nathan broke it with a deep groan. "You know…" he started. "I can kind of feel that. The… the pressure. The warmth."

Audrey's eyes widened. She lifted up her other hand and laid it over the wound she had just cleaned off. "Can you feel this? Does it hurt?"

"Your hand, I can feel. Still can't feel the wound though. Probably because it's healed up."

She nodded and wiped up one last streak of blood beside his belly button, trying not to stare at the small trail of fine hairs that led down towards his jeans, and pulled away. His abs twitched at the movement and she smirked.

Nathan caught the evil glint in her eye. "What?"

Audrey sat the washcloth back down on the bedside table. "Are you ticklish?" she asked.

He gave her a confused look. "Huh?"

Still smirking, she reached out and trailed her fingers from the sides of his waist inward toward the center of his hips.

Instantly, his body jolted and he let out what could best be described as a squeal.

Audrey burst out laughing. Who would have known that Nathan Thaddeus Wuornos was ticklish? Sure, a lot of it probably had to do with the fact that he could feel her despite his idiopathic neuropathy. But still—it was funny.

She reached out to grab his waist again, but that time he was ready. His arms launched out at her, wrapping around her body and pulling her close. He underestimated the effect of her touch, though, and as soon as her fingers dragged across his skin, he shivered and froze. As soon as he stiffened, Audrey did too.

Stuck in his arms, she stared up at him wide-eyed. Seconds later, she had her lips pressed against his. They fit together perfectly—it was instant ecstasy.

For at least a few moments, everything was peaceful. Neither of them thought about the Troubles, or Duke, or Jordan, or Tommy, or anything except for each other.

One of Nathan's hands drifted up and cupped Audrey's cheek. She moaned lightly; he pulled her closer. His other hand slid under the hem of her shirt and laid around the curve of her side.

He wanted to feel more of her, she realized. He needed to.

Audrey broke apart from him with a gasping breath. Instantly, Nathan recoiled. He started to pull his limbs away from her and into a cocoon around himself.

"What's wrong?" He forced out.

With a smirk, she reached down and pulled her long sleeve shirt up and over her head. Nathan got the picture. The moment it was gone, his hands settled back along her waist as he took in the sight of her. Her bra was simple, but the blue lace stood out sharply against her pale skin.

As they pulled each other close again, the skin-on-skin contact was nearly driving Nathan insane. It wasn't just some of the only contact he'd felt in years, but it was _Audrey_. His more-than-just-a-partner. The woman he had loved since the day he met her. Sure, she'd kissed him before. Back when he had found Lucy Ripley's address for her during her quest for more answers about who she was. But that had been a surprise, lovely but over too soon. And it had been nothing like this.

Their lips were drawn back together like magnets. The kiss was forceful, yet passionate.

Audrey nibbled on his bottom lip slightly and trailed her finger tips down his chest. This time, she allowed herself to revel in the peaks and dips of his muscles and the fine hair trailing down his abdomen. She settled her hands on his waist and teased the skin right along his waistband.

As Nathan moved backwards, pulling them both onto the bed, one thing was clear: they weren't going to stop.

Hours later, finally sated, Nathan dozed.

Audrey laid there and tried to promise herself that it was a one time thing. It would never happen again, and they would never talk about it again. In the morning, they would go after Tommy. Eventually, she would go into the barn and Nathan would move on. With restless thoughts, she curled up into Nathan's side and drifted off to sleep.

Hearing an odd creak, Audrey shot into an upright position. Her mind spun for a moment, trying to figure out where she was. She was lying on a white stone floor. As she looked up at the blank white walls, she noticed a figure standing there, staring at her.

"Having fun reliving old memories?" Agent Howard asked.

She looked down at her hands, remembering the feeling of Nathan's skin against hers. Remembering their night together. Remembering the consequences.

* * *

BWAHAHAHAHA. Understand now? Keep reading!


	6. Chapter 6

It was a morning unlike any other for Nathan Wuornos. He rolled out of bed and stumbled to the bathroom. He showered. He got dressed. He made coffee.

The feelings had stopped surprising him. The shifting of the cotton fabric against his skin, the wood grains of the floor on his feet, the pellets of water dancing down his back, the warmth of the bitter coffee down his throat… Once upon a time, when the feelings were new, he'd lived in a constant state of anxiety—it was all so overwhelming. That, combined with the loss of Audrey, had led Nathan to his father's old and well stocked liquor cabinet. That had brought the numbness back, but only for a while.

Now he had to face the emotional and the physical feelings every day. But he was getting used to it. Things were getting better.

So he told himself.

Nathan set his empty mug in the sink and moved toward the front door of his small abode. He grabbed his badge from the side table and attached it to his belt. He was checking over his gun when his phone rang. He set the cartridge down and pulled the device from his pocket, flipping it open.

"Detective Wuornos," he answered professionally.

"Oh, hey Nathan." The raspy voice on the other end of the line replied.

He recognized it immediately. "What do you want, Duke?"

"Nothing much."

Nathan growled. "Then did you just call to waste my time? I've got work to do."

"Right, right, being such a great upstanding cop and all. Listen, I think you should come down to the hospital." Duke stated.

"Why, did something happen? Did you get hurt during one of your mysterious trades?" Nathan asked, trying to sound sincere but ending up a bit snide.

The other man sighed. "No, man, look… there's just something you need to see." There was a muffling sound, as if Duke turned to talk to someone else. Then he came back. "Please hurry."

"Alright." Nathan acquiesced. "I'll be right there." He shut the phone and slid it back into his pocket. He shoved the full clip back into his gun, holstered it at his hip, and made his way out to his trusty blue Bronco.

The drive to the hospital was quick—there was never much traffic in little old Haven. The closer he got, however, the more uneasy he felt. He and Duke had never been particularly close, especially after all of the teasing he had endured in school. Recently, things had been even more strained. They had both loved Audrey and were dealing with that loss in very different ways. For Duke to end up in the hospital wasn't the most unusual thing. But for Duke to call him about some kind of urgent case? Nathan was completely perplexed. The only other time he had heard that concerned raspy edge to Duke's voice was the night of the Hunter meteor shower, when Audrey disappeared.

Nathan snagged a parking spot near the front of the lot and strode inside. He marched up to the help desk, "I'm looking for—"

The young woman at the desk pointed to the left. "He's down the hall, M-wing, on the right,"

He nodded in thanks and rushed off in the direction she had indicated. As soon as he rounded the corner, he spotted Duke. The tall man was wearing his usual faded jean vest and his hair was longer than the last time Nathan had seen him. He was standing in front of a closed wooden door. At the same time, he noticed the sign on the wall.

Maternity Ward, Rooms 210-230

His eyebrow furrowed and he continued moving toward Duke. "Did you knock someone up or what's—"

Nathan's sentence was cut off by an ear piercing scream. It ended in a pained whimper. He watched Duke flinch at the sound. The person yelled again, this time a loud expletive.

It took him a second to realize that he recognized that voice.

"Audrey?"

* * *

Umm... surprise?


	7. Chapter 7

Her name stuck in the back of his throat and then tumbled out like the rush of an avalanche. Energy renewed, he rushed towards the door. At the last second, Duke grabbed his shoulders and pulled him back.

"Look Nathan, I know what you think."

Nathan tried to shake off Duke's grip. "Audrey is in there."

The taller man sighed. "Yes. Maybe. But pause for a second, please."

"What happened?" He demanded. His body started to shake and tremble. It looked as if he were close to seizing. He couldn't calm down or stop the chanting of her name running through his mind. Audrey, Audrey, Audrey, Audrey, Audrey, Audrey, Audrey, Audrey, Audrey…

Duke tightened his grip on Nathan's shoulders, his fingers digging in against the bone. "If you don't calm down, I'm pulling you out of this hospital. Or better yet, I'll just call for security. Maybe they'll tranq you and put you in a padded cell—then you definitely won't be able to see her."

The pain seemed to cut through the haze. Finally, Nathan looked at Duke. Really looked at him. He read between the worried lines on his forehead and saw the deep pain in his eyes.

He needed to keep his cool, he realized. He let out a deep breath he hadn't known he'd been holding.

"Okay, so—" Duke started, before he was interrupted by another sound from the room. This time, it was a low mewling sound, like that of an injured animal calling out for help.

The last of the adrenaline in Nathan's system dissipated and, suddenly weak, he fell to his knees.

Duke knelt down beside him. "I'm sure she's okay. She's Audrey Parker, remember? Strong as hell, that one."

The other man sighed. "Who found her?"

"I did," he stated, grateful that he was finally getting the chance to explain. "I was out on my boat this morning and noticed a bit of a disturbance over on Kick Em Jenny Neck. All of the birds from the trees just flew off at once like they'd been spooked. So I went to see what was going on. I found her lying in the clearing but she looked, ya know, different. She was unconscious and I was worried. So I called a coast guard friend of mine, we got her to the hospital, and I haven't seen her since. They just put her in this room and then I guess they woke her up or she just woke up and was screaming and doctors rushed in. It's been about an hour now. I called you as soon as I got the chance."

Nathan looked up at the sign on the wall again and gulped nervously. "So, if we're here, then that means that she—"

"She was pregnant. Very pregnant." Duke affirmed, stuttering slightly over the word and its insinuations.

"How?" He didn't think she had been pregnant when she'd left. Had something happened while she was in the barn? Was that even possible?

Duke shrugged. "I don't know. I don't know why she's back or even how she got here. Hell, for all we know, it's not even Audrey in there."

Nathan glared at him. "How could you even say that?" He pushed off from the cold tile floor and stood up. The nervous energy was starting to build back up in his limbs. He ambled down the hallway a few feet and then turned around and strode back. "Of course it's Audrey. How could it not be Audrey?" He scoffed and continued his steady pacing back and forth.

"That's what the barn does, remember? It wipes memories and sets her on a new track. It erased the original Audrey's memories completely. It erased Sarah and created Lucy, and then erased her to bring about the Audrey we know. So maybe it's someone new now. Maybe the pregnancy is just a part of her new persona."

"But it's only been a few months." The detective pointed out. "Not 27 years like usual."

"Yeah, I noticed that."

"Also…" Nathan reached out and slapped his hand onto Duke's face. Duke grunted at the impact, but before he could get defensive, Nathan continued. "I can still feel. Which means that the Troubles are still here."

"But she's pregnant, Nathan." Duke pushed the other man away and tried to reemphasize his logic. "Any idea how that came about?"

His shoulders slumped. "I have no idea."

"Exactly. So we need to keep in mind the fact that—"

Duke didn't notice Nathan's slight predatory crouch until it was too late. In seconds, Nathan had the other man pressed up against the wall, his arm a firm bar against his throat. Duke scrambled to push him away, but Nathan's strength was fueled by pure protective rage.

"Why are you so adamant against it being her?"

Duke groaned. "I want her back just as much as you do Nathan."

"Well you're not acting like it."

"Because I am trying. To remain. Calm. I don't want to get my hopes up. I can't lose her again."

Those words rolled through Nathan's mind. He hadn't ever stopped to seriously consider what would happen if it wasn't actually her. He took in a deep breath and then released it at the same time as he stepped back from Duke.

"Sorry, man," he said, sincerely. "I just can't think straight when it comes to Audrey."

Duke chuckled. "I know."

Nathan opened his mouth to respond when the large wooden door creaked open. Two people in blue scrubs slid past them wordlessly, pushing a small metal cart covered in a gray blanket. He couldn't stand to think about what might be under it.

Then, from the room came a tall man in a white lab coat, with a salt and pepper mustache. He closed the door behind him and turned to Duke. "Hello, I'm Doctor Gerandy. You're the man that brought this young lady in, correct."

He nodded. "Yes, sir, that would be me. Duke Crocker." The two men shook hands. Nathan held out his hand next, on instinct.

"And you are?" The doctor asked as he took it.

"Detective Nathan Wuornos."

He nodded. "And why are you here, Detective Wuornos?"

"She's my girlfriend." Nathan explained, squaring his shoulders and making sure his words didn't falter, so that he didn't seem weak. He almost said partner, and then switched to the other word at the last minute. While he and Audrey hadn't really been together long enough to have labels, they had admitted that they felt like more than partners.

He wasn't familiar with Doctor Gerandy, however. The man couldn't have been a newcomer—not many new people ever came to Haven. Plus, he held himself in that straight as a board way that doctors tended to perfect over the years so that they didn't seem emotionally affected by their difficult work.

Nathan saw a small glint pass over the man's eyes and then he returned to a blank slate.

"Well then. You'll be happy to know that Ms. Parker is doing just fine. She's been through quite the ordeal, so she's resting now. But she will recover with time." Doctor Gerandy paused. "However, she had a bit of difficulty during the procedure."

* * *

Oh shit. Let me know what you think please?


	8. Chapter 8

"However, she had a bit of difficulty during the procedure. I'm sorry for your loss."

Nathan's eyebrows furrowed. He took a few seconds to try to reconcile the opposing statements that he had just heard. "Excuse me?"

"I'm afraid that she lost the child." He explained, clasping his hands in front of him. "It will be a bit of a transitional period for her, and for you I'm sure. If necessary, we can schedule a time for the both of you to meet with one of our post gestational therapists. I'll be back to check on her later. If you have any questions, you can contact me through the help desk in the lobby."

Nathan stood, shell shocked and frozen, in front of the doctor. An image of Audrey burst into his mind.

_She was standing in the living room of his house, looking around and complaining about the size of the space._

_"__How can we fit the three of us in here?"_

_"__We'll figure something out," Nathan said, trying to calm her down by rubbing his hand along her shoulder. _

_She scoffed. "What if he gets hurt by that table? Or grabs something from the kitchen counter? Or—"_

_He interrupted her quickly. "He?"_

_Audrey smiled and rubbed her hands over her protruding stomach. "Yeah, he. I can feel it."_

_He nodded at her, knowing that it was best to just accept her explanation, and knelt down in front of her to kiss her bellybutton. "Hey baby," he cooed._

Nathan was pulled from his daydream by Duke snapping his long fingers in his face. He blinked open his eyes and found the doctor gone.

"Nathan, you there?"

He choked out the short phrase, "He was mine."

The other man shook his head. "He? Calm down. We don't know that."

"I can feel it," Nathan repeated the statement from Audrey from his vision. Then he reached out and placed his hand on the door, grounding himself in reality at the feeling of the hard wood against his fingers. "I want to see her."

Duke sighed. "Okay. Well the doctor said we could as long as we're careful and don't stay too long."

Instantly, Nathan pressed forward and opened the large door. He crept in quietly, trying not to wake her up. Duke followed close behind him.

The room was small with light burgundy walls. There was a light olive green couch against the far wall, beneath a panel of windows. Sticking out from the wall to their right was the long hospital bed with pale blue sheets. There was a figure laying there, propped up on a pillow.

Nathan moved in closer and stopped right up against the side of the bed. One glance at the figure confirmed it: it was Audrey. Her blonde hair was tucked in around her head. Her eyes were closed, but he could still see the dark shadows beneath them. He could see the top of the generic polka dotted hospital gown around her shoulders; the rest of her was covered by the large blanket. He could definitely make out her protruding stomach from beneath its folds and the sight caused him to gasp.

"Audrey." His legs weakened and he would have fallen to the ground if it weren't for the tight grip he had on the bed's guardrails.

Duke moved over to the corner of the room and grabbed the black armchair. He dragged it over and placed it behind Nathan. "Sit." He did, resting down lightly into the chair while still staying as close to Audrey as he could.

Nathan's eyes scanned over her body again, and then he glanced up at the other man. "What do you think this means?"

He sighed. "I have absolutely no idea."

A couple hours passed with Nathan sitting at Audrey's side. He wouldn't move from that spot. He also refused to touch her, no matter how much he desperately wanted to feel her skin, because he was afraid of disturbing her.

Duke had sat on the couch with them for a while, and then had gone to the station to explain what was going on to Dwight.

Dr. Gerandy had come by once again to check on her vitals. He pronounced that all was well and repeated that she needed her rest. Nathan had paid very close attention, soaking in every word that he said.

Hours passed in silence. Nathan's nerves were completely frazzled, but he still had no idea what to do. The longer he sat there, the more he wondered. He wondered if it was really her, or if it was the next reincarnation. He wondered why she was back so soon. He wondered how she had gotten pregnant. He wondered if the child was his. He wondered what would happen if he touched her. He wondered if he would still be able to feel her. He wondered how long he had been sitting there. He wondered how long she would be unconscious. He wondered how long she would be in the hospital.

Nathan didn't need to look at the clock on the wall behind him to tell that he had been there a while. The sunlight that had been shining through the window had started angling downward and was now almost completely gone. The fluorescent lights of the room lit up different shadows on Audrey's face than the natural light had. It made her cheekbones stand out more, making her look harsher, sicker.

He started to go numb, sitting there in one place for so long. He knew that if he moved, his body would be filled with that staticky pin prick feeling, and he didn't want that. Some part of him liked being numb. It was comfortable, it was familiar.

And it made him want Audrey even more.

Eventually, finally, Nathan had had enough. He stood up quickly and leaned over the figure on the bed. He stared at the lines of her face and gently slid the back of his finger down her cheek. Her skin was smooth and cold, but still caused a barrage of tingles to spread across his hand.

"Oh, Audrey," he whispered.

He moved his finger again, sliding it along the curve of her jaw. That was one of her favorite spots to be kissed, he remembered. All of a sudden, he heard a rapid beeping. He glanced over at the monitor near the wall and noticed that her heart rate was increasing.

Nathan cupped her cheek in his hand and called out to her again. "Audrey? It's Nathan."

Her forehead wrinkled and her head tilted to one side, and then the other. She groaned lowly.

"Parker?"

She let out a deep breath and then her eyes fluttered open. Her eyes were the same intense blue that he remembered, and seemed to soften as she looked at him. A large smile took over his face.

Slowly, she blinked and smiled back. "Nathan." She murmured.

Her body shifted under the covers slightly and she managed to slip out her left arm. It fell against her stomach and her eyes opened wide in a panic. "James."

Nathan watched her, confused. "Parker… Audrey… James was in the barn."

"The barn." She repeated. She turned her head and looked around the room. "I went into the barn. I'm still in the barn."

Nathan reached out and took her hand in his. "You're here, Audrey, with me." He insisted.

Audrey just shook her head and then stared up at the ceiling. Her heart monitor started beeping even faster. "Agent Howard!" She yelled out. She shouted the name a few more times, as if she was beckoning him from far away.

Dr. Gerandy, followed by a blue scrubs clad nurse, burst in through the door. "Audrey, honey, I'm going to need you to calm down."

She growled at him. "You're not even here. I'm still in the damn barn." She turned to look at Nathan. Tears started to fill her eyes. "I'm so sorry, Nathan. I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"Sorry about what?" He questioned, squeezing her hand and trying to keep her attention on him.

It didn't work though, because the doctor had moved over to her IV bag. He squirted something from a needle into the tube and she yelled at him. "No, no, don't!" The sedative must have been really strong, as it didn't take long for her words to falter and her eyes to close.

The moment she fell unconscious, her hand dropped from Nathan's. He stood up straight and whirled on the doctor. "What in the hell did you just do?"

He disposed of the syringe into the marked container on the wall methodically. "She was delirious. It's best for her to stay calm right now and not put too much strain on her body. What happened before I got here?"

"I… well… she…" Nathan scrambled for words. "Everything was quiet, and then she woke up a few minutes ago and recognized me and then all of a sudden she touched her stomach and freaked out."

Dr. Gerandy nodded. "Alright. Well she still needs some time to adjust, so just give her some space and let her keep resting."

Nathan didn't know what else to say, so he just nodded. He watched as the pair fled the room, and then he sat back down next to Audrey.

"Oh Parker," He sighed. "Come back to me. Please. I need you." He dropped his head onto the edge of her pillow, being careful not to bump into her. "Please."

He sat there for a couple more hours, reveling in the pure pleasure of her body being close to his. Just the fact that she was there held a large bit of comfort that was holding him together.

The sun had gone down completely when Duke came back. He tiptoed in slowly and slid over to Nathan. He grabbed the man's shoulder and shook it lightly.

Nathan sat up immediately. "What?" He groaned. He reached up and wiped at his eyes, clearing away the blurriness.

Duke could see the redness of the other man's eyes and he frowned. "How you holding up, champ?"

He shrugged. "I'm fine."

Duke just nodded, not believing him at all but letting it go. "Anything happen while I was gone?"

Nathan stood up and shrugged again. "Eh. Kind of."

"Kind of?" Duke repeated loudly. "Just kind of? Nathan, either something happened or it didn't."

The other man groaned and rubbed his hands over his face. "Yeah, she started to wake up at one point."

"What?!"

"Yeah. And I think she recognized me, but then she freaked out and the doctor had to come in and sedate her, so she's been out since." Nathan explained. He wasn't sure how to explain the short conversation that he'd had with her, so he just decided to keep it to himself.

Duke gaped at him for a second, and then turned away. "Kind of, he says. She wakes up, and he doesn't make a big deal of it. I don't even get it." He muttered to himself. Then he turned and leaned against the wall. "Well, did she seem like Audrey?"

Nathan nodded. "I'm pretty sure it's her, Duke."

"I'll believe it when I see it." He crossed his arms over his chest.

Sitting back down in his chair, the other man said, "Do whatever you want."

The two pointedly looked away from each other, but a few minutes later, both of them ended up staring at Audrey. Nathan reached up and grabbed her hand, twining his fingers with hers.

"So you can still feel and everything?" Duke piped up. "You can feel her?"

Nathan nodded. "Yeah, I can still feel."

"Well that's probably a good thing, right? There haven't been any other major problems in town today."

"What did Dwight say when you went to talk to him?"

Duke chuckled. "He was surprised, that's for sure. But he hopes she'll be alright. He said it's been quiet, so no random Troubles seem to have been activated. He's going to keep the news on the down low for now, too. Don't want to freak people out with someone coming back from the dead or anything."

"Good. The last thing we need is for Vince and Dave to find out and come bursting in here for a story." Nathan scoffed.

"Yeah, exactly. So he talked to the hospital staff about keeping this all quiet. He's going to come visit tomorrow too if he can get away."

"That'll be good." Nathan grinned. "She liked him."

"Yeah," Duke sighed. His eyes skimmed over her figure, trying to ignore the odd roundness of her stomach. "She's still beautiful, isn't she?" He commented.

Nathan squeezed her hand. "Yeah, she always is." Abruptly, he felt her fingers twitch around his. "Audrey?" He rose out of the chair.

Duke rushed over to the bed. "What happened?"

"She just…" He froze and they watched as her eyelids popped open, slammed shut, and then opened again. "Parker," he breathed out.

"Hey Audrey." Duke greeted.

She turned her head to look at them and a small smile stretched across her face. "Hi."

Nathan reached up with his free hand and cupped it around her cheek. It fit around the curve of her jaw perfectly and Audrey leaned into the touch. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "You're back."

"I went into the barn." She whimpered.

"Yeah, you did." He replied. He pressed another kiss to her cheek, and then pulled back. "But you're here now."

"The barn."

"Haven." Duke said, his voice slightly hoarse. Nathan glanced over and noticed the wetness in the man's eyes. "You're in Haven."

Audrey turned her gaze on him. "I went into the barn and they were all there and Agent Howard was there and then…" she trailed off. She looked down at herself and lifted her other hand out from under the blankets to rub her stomach. "And then…"

"The Troubles ended." Nathan told her. "And then you came back to me. You came back to us."

Audrey glanced up at Nathan, her eyes wide with panic like they had been hours before. "James?" She asked.

In that moment, Nathan understood. She wasn't referring to the child she had had as Sarah. She was talking about the child she had been pregnant with recently. He shook his head slightly. "James is gone." He whispered.

"He's in the barn." Duke explained. He had not quite grasped what she meant by her previous statement, but she still seemed to understand what he was saying.

"James is in the barn." She repeated. "And I'm here." Her hand started to tremble and twist in the sheets.

Nathan turned to Duke and muttered through the side of his lips, "Take her hand."

"What?" Duke hissed back.

"Her hand. Don't let her touch her stomach."

Quickly, Duke reached out and took her hand.

Audrey relaxed slightly and her heartbeat stabilized on its own. Her gaze moved back and forth between the two men. "I'm in Haven."

Nathan smiled. "You're home."

Audrey's smile faded. "Not really." Her hands tightened around theirs and then tears began running down her face. "Not with James."

A single tear fell from Nathan's eye, and then all of a sudden the dam burst. It hit him all at once. It was really Audrey, she was back, she was alive, the Troubles were still gone… but she had lost her child. They had lost their child. As more tears fell, he leaned forward and tucked his face into her neck. He pressed as much of his skin to hers as he could, trying to ground her like she had grounded him so many times before. "I know. I know." He murmured.

Eventually, Audrey cried herself to sleep. A few minutes after she drifted off, her vitals rising and falling evenly on the monitor next to her bed, Duke turned his attention to Nathan.

"It's late, man. You should go home, eat something, get some sleep."

He just shook his head. "I'm not leaving her."

Duke groaned. "You have to take care of yourself too, you know. She would want you to."

"She doesn't need to be alone right now. I'll be fine. You can go."

The other man moved away from the bed and toward the door. He would've fought harder, but he knew that Nathan had tunnel vision right now. He was too focused on Audrey to pay attention to anything else, even himself. But Duke knew that if he stayed in the hospital, all he would do is worry about her and end up running himself ragged. He would be no good to her like that. "Alright," he said, "I'll be back tomorrow."

* * *

Ahhh! Lots happening in this chapter. I'm so so so sorry it took me so long to post, but I'm definitely back to working on this and more will be coming soon. Thanks for reading, and let me know what you thought!


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